Sometimes I’d rather not

Stay somewhere where my mind gets a little bit crazy

Gets a little bit too stuffed

Sometimes I’d rather not

Be somewhere where the energy is a little bit negative

Is verging on overbearing

Sometimes I’d rather not

Have to pick up the pieces and sweep them under the rug

Because that ‘makes it easier’ for everyone else

Sometimes I’d rather not

Be here, occupy this space, have this mind that rebels and cries all the time

Belong to myself and all my ups and downs

Sometimes I’d rather

Imagine myself dancing on marble floors and under grand chandeliers

Perfectly glowing in the sun streaming through castle windows

Sometimes I’d rather

Walk the streets like a model, with that fierce confidence and self-esteem

Looking unbreakable, totally in control, no matter if a mere facade

Sometimes I’d rather

Erase my past and all those things I did wrong and my mind won’t let forgive

Start over new in a foreign place where nobody knows me

And perhaps that is why I travel

And wander and roam the earth

Switching out my identity in every city

I get that blank slate each time

But perhaps that is why I should give up social media

So that the people in my past don’t have access to my new self

Can’t spot the loops in my story, the holes in my cheese

(Lol)

Sometimes I’d rather be

And sometimes I’d rather not

*Loosely inspired by Herman Melville’s Bartleby the Scrivener